Abstinence Education Starts at Home

It may surprise you to know that your teen not only needs to talk to you about abstinence, sex and relationships, they actually WANT to talk to you. Most teens report that it is their parents who most strongly influence their decisions about sexual activity and yet many parents avoid talking about sex with their teen like the plague! Some parents are hesitant because they think their teen won't listen, others feel that they do not know enough about the facts to be a good resource. Some parents may avoid talking with their teens because they don't want to be perceived as judgmental or even hypocritical. When it comes to teens and sex it can be very overwhelming for a parent but ASK is here to help. Mr. Bruce Cook, the author of the Choosing the Best curriculum used by ASK, has also authored a great resource for parents entitled, Parent's, Teens, and Sex: The Big Talk Book. ASK provides a copy to each family who participates in one of our Parent Sessions or it can be purchased online from the Choosing the Best website. For those of you who are awaiting the arrival of your copy here are some tips to get you started:

1. Let your teen know you are ready and willing to talk and listen, not just about sex, but any aspect of their life. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, teens who have a stronger connection with their parents are more likely to wait longer to engage in sexual activity than teens who feel less connected to their parents. It is important that your teen feel heard and respected, this will enable them to build trust in you so that when times do get tough for them they know they can come to you for guidance. Ask your teen about their opinions, friends, school, etc.. to get the ball rolling and be willing to sit back and let them tell you their story.
2. Get the facts. Your teen will have questions so be prepared by gathering as much information as you possibly can. No one is expecting you to be an expert but you can be informed. If you don't know it is okay to tell that to your teen and invite them to look for the answer along with you. This will give you a great opening to spend some quality time as well as spark good discussion.
3. Share with your teen. Discuss your family's ideas, morals, and/or religious beliefs about abstinence, sex, and relationships. Share with your teen why they are important to you and what your expectations are for them. If you made poor sexual decisions when you were young you can share you experience with your teen and use the opporunity as a teaching tool and a way to reinforce better decision making on their part.
4. Set boundaries and establish goals with your teen. Once you have communicated your expectations about sexual activity with your teen set them up for success by helping them to set goals and by providing an environment that encourages good decision making. It is helpful when house rules such as:
   • A minimum dating age with a two year age difference limit ( research has shown that less than 15% of teens in a same-age relationship engaged in sexual intercourse, those with a two year age difference jumped to 26%, and those with a three year difference 33%, National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy)
   • No alchol or drugs.
   • Limited unsupervised situations.
   • No entertaining opposite sex friends in personal spaces such as a bedroom.
   • Asking who, what, where, and when and how they can be reached each time your teen goes out socially.
5. Start talking early. With kids younger than the age of 14 reporting that they have been sexually active can you really afford to wait to talk to your child until you think they are old enough? If you feel that your child is too young to discuss facts about sex and their body than try introducing conversations about love, relationships, and character early in your child's life. This way you have laid the foundation to more clearly arrituclate your expecatations about sex, relationships, and abstinence until marriage.